


you love, love, love when you know i can't love you

by imadetheline



Series: Breathe In, Breathe Out [20]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Father-Son Relationship, FebuWhump2021, Force Choking (Star Wars), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Imperial Luke Skywalker, force choking leaves bruises bc i say so, its about the angst, rebel spy luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29602782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadetheline/pseuds/imadetheline
Summary: febuwhump day twenty - betrayal
Relationships: Luke Skywalker & Darth Vader
Series: Breathe In, Breathe Out [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140389
Comments: 20
Kudos: 87
Collections: Luke and Vader Bonding, febuwhump 2021





	you love, love, love when you know i can't love you

**Author's Note:**

> title from love love love by of monsters and men
> 
> luke was raised as an imperial by Vader in this au and it starts when the emperor's discovered luke is a rebel spy and ordered vader to deal with it

The boy’s right there, kneeling against the polished floor, staring up at Vader almost sadly. “Father, I-”

His voice cuts off in a gasp as the air is swept from his lungs. Vader’s anger is a volcano. That’s too far. How dare he betray everything Vader’s slaved to build and then look at him like he did when he was little, when he was innocent, when he was still his son. How dare he use that word.  _ Father. _ He’s only a traitor, just like his mother. 

Vader’s fist clenches at his side, the dark side thundering around him. Fire is burning around the edges of his vision, his mind, as Luke tries to breathe around the pressure crushing his airway. The dark side sings, and he feeds his anger, pain, and grief into it, relishing the power it grants in return. Those who stand against him die. It’s a fact of life, unstoppable, inevitable.

Except Luke isn’t fighting, isn’t scrabbling for his throat like most. His face is red, his body failing, and there’s sadness in his eyes. But no anger, just… resignation--as he watches his father kill him. 

Vader’s killing his son--he’s killing Luke. 

Except, for a moment, it’s not Luke; it’s a dark-haired woman pleading for him to stop. No, he’d killed her too. And he’s regretted it every day since. And then it’s Luke again, the light fading from his eyes.

In a rush, the anger leaves Vader, slipping from his grasp. What has he done?

Luke collapses, only catching himself at the last moment with his bound hands, coughing and gasping for air, and Vader can’t look at him. Instead, he stares down at his hands, gloved and mechanical. They’d- No, he’d almost… almost killed his son. How had it come to this?

The dark side whispers in the silence.  _ He betrayed you, the love you’ve shown him. He deserves death. _ With an effort, he pushes it away and clenches his fist, forcing the mask up to look at Luke. The boy’s breathing is steadying but still too heavy. He still hasn’t looked up, his gaze fixed firmly on the floor, his hands curling against the polished, dark metal. There are bruises visibly forming above his collar, mottled blue and brown.

Vader can’t take the silence, with only his thoughts screaming at him. He wishes Luke would rage, attack him. Vader deserves it, and those are emotions he knows how to handle. The guilt and grief pushing at him, reopening the chasm in his chest are too familiar, but he keeps them locked up tightly. Now they refuse to be contained, and he doesn’t know what to do with the blood on his hands, the blood he almost added to it. “Luke-”

But then Luke moves, his hands curling into fists against the floor and pushing himself up. He stumbles on shaky legs, and Vader takes an unconscious step forward to steady him before he remembers who he is, who Luke is, what he’s done. His hand drops back to his side as Luke steadies himself. 

And then Luke finally looks up. Vader thinks that if he could cry, he would be, but Luke’s eyes are dry--dry and blazing blue. He’s always been stronger than his father. And he locks eyes with Vader even through the mask, as he always has. The bruises are even starker against Luke’s pale skin, and something is teetering above the chasm that’s reopened in Vader’s chest. But he can’t look away. The blue of Luke’s eyes somehow pierces through the red tint of Vader’s lenses and traps him in his guilt.

“I won’t stop.” Luke’s voice is hoarse but hard, certain. Vader doesn’t need the Force whispering that it’s no lie to know it isn’t. He’s known ever since he found out his son was a traitor. He’s  _ her _ son, determined and idealistic. His heart aches with the knowledge.

But his voice doesn’t betray any emotion, the vocoder as monotone as ever, even when his voice breaks, “I know.”

Luke’s face doesn’t shift, and Vader’s gaze falls on the Force-suppressing cuffs around his wrists. He can’t sense Luke’s emotions, his light, across their bond, and for some reason, it feels like a part of him is withering without it. Everything is falling apart.

“You’ll have to stop me.”

And Vader almost flinches, his gaze falling to the bruises ringing Luke’s throat again. The emptiness after the last word echoes in Vader’s head. Usually, there’s another word there, a word he doubts he’ll ever hear again.  _ Father. _

He likes to think he sees sadness in Luke’s eyes, but Luke’s pulled up his mask, the one he never used to use with Vader, the one he only put up around the emperor… or enemies. But that’s what they are now. That’s the only thing they can be.

“Can you do it?”

_ Can you stop me? Kill me? _ The unspoken words linger in the air, pressing down around them. And they both know the answer. They’ve both just witnessed Vader fail. He won’t try again--can’t try again. Luke knows it.

His son takes a step forward, his mask finally cracking, his face a mirror to  _ hers _ all those years ago. “Then come with me.” He reaches out into the distance, the space of stars between them, but cuffs restrain his hands, and the space isn’t so easily traversed by words alone. 

Still, he tries. “I never meant to betray  _ you _ . We can leave, fix things. Just come  _ with _ me,” he pleads, and his eyes are so blue, so different to  _ hers, _ but it’s somehow the same emotions, the same scene. And isn’t it destined to play the same way?

Vader turns away from his son, from the screaming in his chest, away from the blue eyes that won’t let him hide in the darkness. “I cannot.”

“Please.” Luke doesn’t stop. He never does, hope embedded in his veins. “ _ Father. _ ”

And the thing teetering over the chasm in Vader’s chest finally tips over the edge, snapping something he’s depended on for almost two decades deserting him in the face of his son’s pleas. The cuffs fall from Luke’s wrists, clattering to the floor. “Go.”

Luke’s light blooms out in his freedom, their bond immediately brightening with it. But Vader doesn’t let himself rejoice in its warmth. He pivots, cape snapping, and strides to his desk, grabbing a data stick lying on top of flimsies and datapads. Luke’s mouth is open slightly, his confusion coloring the Force as Vader approaches just close enough to press the stick into Luke’s hand and then retreats. “Go,” he repeats, vocoder rumbling but incapable of showing his emotion. Vader knows Luke senses it through their bond, though. He always has.

“But-” Luke starts, stepping forward again. 

But Vader interrupts him, knows that if Luke doesn’t leave right now, Vader doesn’t know if he’ll be able to let him go, “I am- I am sorry, my son.” 

And the bruises are so dark, but somehow Luke smiles anyway, “I know.”  _ And I forgive you _ rings out over their bond, and Vader’s legs almost give out under the weight of those words, under the weight of everything he doesn’t deserve.

“Go. I can do more here.” It’s all he can give, to try to make amends. The emperor has already lived too long, and some part of Vader’s darkness was lost the moment it turned on his son.

Luke’s warmth wraps around him as the boy finally steps back, fist clenching around the data stick in his palm. He’s smiling sadly, the light of stars in his eyes, “We’ll see each other again.” It’s a promise.

Vader doesn’t respond just looks at Luke, at the boy he raised but who has  _ her _ spirit, and tries to memorize his face, the blue of his eyes. He doesn’t want to remember the bruises lining his son’s throat, but he knows they’ll never leave him, haunting his dreams. But it’s for the best, a reminder of what he almost was, what he vows never to do again. 

So he just smiles behind the mask, pulling at the scar tissue, and nods slightly. Luke grins with the force of suns, and the door hisses open, and then he’s gone. 

His warmth lingers, but it’s not the same as it moves further away. He senses the moment Luke jumps to hyperspace in a stolen ship. His absence leaves an aching emptiness behind. But he’s safe, safe from the emperor’s wrath, from Vader’s lack of control.

Vader leaves, unable to look at the space his son had occupied minutes ago. The rest of the ship doesn’t even seem to notice Luke’s gone as he moves like a wraith through the halls, officers and troopers alike jumping out of his way. 

One small, dark-haired ensign drops a stack of datapads in her hurry, spilling over Vader’s boots. But when he looks down at the trembling girl, all he can see is Luke in her place. But then it changes, and it’s Luke smiling and reaching for her arm to pull her up and then gathering the spilled datapads, talking to her as if they’re old friends.

The emptiness in his chest expands, and he finds himself wrapping a hand around the girl’s upper arm. Her fear is palpable, and the bruises around Luke’s throat flash through his mind. But the reminder is unnecessary. He wasn’t going to harm her. Vader ignores the wide-eyed staring and dead silence in the hall as he helps the girl to her feet and releases her arm, flicking his wrist to send the datapads flying back into her arms, stacked neatly. And then he walks on, mind filled with static, uncaring of his reputation or the shocked silence he leaves in his wake.

When he reaches the bridge, everyone falls silent, but he ignores them, taking up his place at the viewport and watching as they leave realspace behind. Normally, the flashing blue of stars quiets his mind of the voices and memories replaying over and over. Now, he just sees Luke’s eyes, bright like the stardust he’s made of. And a part of him wants to turn away now, wrap the darkness around himself again, find that ensign and take out some of his pain. But he doesn’t.

The stars are the only things that move.

He stands there for hours.

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys liked it leave a comment. They make my day! Seriously I love reading them so please leave me one cause they motivate me to write more! if you guys have ideas for other stories send me an ask on tumblr [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/imadetheline) or just yell about stuff with me. Info about me and all my other tumblrs are [here](https://infoabtmaddie.carrd.co/#)


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